Josephine and her Amazingly Dull Denim Mini-Skirt
by Bexpotter
Summary: A girl loses her favourite skirt and sets out to find a new one - loads of changed lyrics from existing shows


Disclaimer- I own none of the original songs but I do own the word changes.  
  
The songs are (in order)  
  
Oh what a beautiful Morning - Oklahoma I will follow him -Sister Act Any Dream will Do - Joseph and his amazing Technicolor dream coat Dunking Biscuits (Which is not a traditional English song and was written by a friend of mine) Big Spender I don't know how to love him- Jesus Christ Super star Wishing you were somehow here again - Phantom of the Opera If we hold on together - Land before Time  
  
Josephine and her Amazingly Dull Denim Mini-Skirt  
  
Cast  
  
Josephine Sister Hermione Harry Shop Assistants  
  
Scene One  
  
Enter Josephine Singing  
  
Song  
  
Oh what a beautiful morning Oh what a beautiful day Torrential rain is pouring Storms are forecast for today.  
  
Sister- Happy Birthday  
  
Hands her a bag  
  
Josephine - Oh wow it's so cool it's just what I always wanted, I don't know what to say it's perfect thank you.  
  
Sister- That's okay I glad you like it.  
  
Josephine - I don't like it I love it I'll follow it whereever it may go.  
  
Song  
  
Every one runs on  
  
I love it I love it I love it And where it goes I'll follow I'll follow I'll follow It'll always be my one skirt My one skirt My one skirt From now until next season Next Season Next Season  
  
I will follow you Follow you wherever you may go There isn't a drawer too deep A wardrobe so high it can keep Keep us away  
  
I love you (Oh yes I love you) I'll follow (I'm gonna follow) One skirt (You'll always's be my one true skirt) Next season (From now until next season)  
  
There isn't a drawer to deep A wardrobe so high It can keep Keep us away Away from my skirt  
  
Exit all  
  
Scene Two  
  
Enter Josephine holding skirt  
  
Josephine- Oh I really love you skirt you're so perfect much better than that old Hermione Malfoy's skirt. I mean coloured denim that's like so totally last season.  
  
Enter Sister and Hermione Malfoy eavesdropping.  
  
Sister- What were you saying  
  
Josephine - Hermione Malfoy's skirt it's horrible isn't it.  
  
Sister - Yeah I know and she thinks she's so wonderful just because she's dating that Harry Granger. I mean who dates boys with green hair and black eyes.  
  
Enter Hermione Malfoy, Josephine and Sister look guilty  
  
Hermione - What were you talking about  
  
Sister- Oh nothing Hermione  
  
Hermione - Good because we wouldn't want anything bad to happen to that skirt would we.  
  
Exit Hermione  
  
Josephine - Do you think she heard what we were talking about?  
  
Sister- No I think she was just making threats. Come on it's time for tea  
  
Exit  
  
Scene Three  
  
Hermione - Harry dear I think we need to teach that Josephine a lesson don't you.  
  
Harry - Why what's she done  
  
Hermione- She insulted us  
  
Harry - Well then of course she has to be taught a lesson, but what.  
  
Hermione - Well you know she has that new skirt  
  
Harry- Well I did hear a rumour  
  
Hermione- What if I just you know stole it.  
  
Harry- But that against the law  
  
Hermione - I know  
  
Scene Four  
  
Josephine sitting on floor, skirt on floor behind her singing  
  
Song  
  
I closed my eyes Opened the wardrobe To see for certain what I thought I knew Far Far away Some one was also Wearing my skirt But not as well as me.  
  
Meanwhile Hermione tiptoe behind her grab the skirt and run away.  
  
Josephine- what was that?  
  
Spins Round  
  
Josephine - my skirt where is it.  
  
Searches round for skirt  
  
Josephine- Where are you  
  
Scene Five  
  
Sister and Josephine talking  
  
Josephine Sobbing- someone must have stolen it why would someone do that.  
  
Sister - I don't know, why don't you go out and buy a new skirt  
  
Josephine I don't know it wouldn't be the same.  
  
Sister- Oh go on you know you want to.  
  
Josephine- Okay fine I will  
  
Exit  
  
Scene Six  
  
Josephine - Maybe I'll have a cappuccino before I go shopping. Oh hello Hermione, Harry  
  
Harry - Hello  
  
Hermione - we were just about to sit down to a cup of tea fancy joining us.  
  
Josephine - I suppose so hey did you hear my skirt's been stolen.  
  
Hermione- No how terrible.  
  
Harry- You know what we should do before we have a cup of tea.  
  
Hermione - No what.  
  
Harry - Sing a traditional English tea drinking song  
  
Song  
  
Dunking biscuits, I recommend you risk it Even though it's rather rude I think that you'll agree Life is really looking up when you've got a Ginger Nut Soaking in a lovely cup of home brewed tea  
  
Never linger with a Sponge Finger If you do you'll have a soggy mess as I have learned Garibaldi, Abbey Crunch, make 'em easier to munch Better than your Sunday Lunch as far as I'm concerned  
  
Repeat chorus  
  
With a Hob Nob stuck in your gob Bob You can be a Jammie Dodger or a Royal Scot If you think you're man enough you can dunk a Lemon Puff After you'll be feeling rough and all your teeth'll rot  
  
Repeat chorus  
  
I suggest if dunking Digestives That you keep an eye on them when they begin to bend Careful with you're Chocolate Chip When the goo begins to drip Quickly lick it off your lip or share it with a friend  
  
Repeat chorus  
  
Bourbon bikkies can be very tricky Leave them in your saucer and they soon begin to run Drop one in your Ovaltine it's like a chocolate submarine It can be most embarrassing when all is said and done  
  
Dunking biscuits, I recommend you risk it Even though it's rather rude I think that you'll agree Life is really looking up when you've got a Ginger Nut Soaking in a lovely cup of home brewed tea  
  
Dunking biscuits, I recommend you risk it Even though it's rather rude I think that you'll agree Life is really looking up when you've got your Ginger Nut Soaking in a lovely cup, can you ever get enough? Better than the stronger stuff - your home-brewed tea.  
  
Scene Seven  
  
Enter Josephine  
  
Josephine - Maybe I'll find my skirt in here.  
  
Shop Assistant - What are you looking before ask us we are almighty snobby shop assistants.  
  
Josephine- A denim mini-skirt so wonderful it's amazing.  
  
Shop Assistants - We have just the thing.  
  
Josephine - Oh it's okay I suppose but not what I was looking for.  
  
Shop Assistant - Buy Buy Buy  
  
Josephine -But  
  
Song  
  
The minute you walked in the joint I could see you were a woman of distinction A real big spender Good looking, so refined Say wouldn't you like to know what's going on in my mind So let me get right to the point I don't pop my cork for every lady I see Hey big spender Spend a little time with me  
  
Josephine- Fine I'll buy it.  
  
Scene Eight  
  
Josephine- Oh I hate you skirt how am I meant to know how to wear you.  
  
Song  
  
I don't know how to wear you What to do how to use you I'm confused Oh yes I am  
  
In these past few day's since I lost my skirt I feel like such a tart  
  
Or an Essex girl  
  
Should I roll you up Should I leave you down Should I rip you up Let the hemmings down I never thought I'd come to this What's this skirt about.  
  
Sister - What's wrong  
  
Josephine - This skirt  
  
Sister - Oh don't worry it'll grow on you.  
  
Josephine- Oh how I wish you were some how here again  
  
Song  
  
You were once my one companion You were all that mattered You were once a friend and outfit Then my world was shattered  
  
Wishing you were somehow here again Wishing you were somehow near Some times it seems I just dream Some how you will be near  
  
Passing shops and empty windows Full of bustling people Seem to me All perfect criminals Each a lonely suspect  
  
Too many hours Fighting back tears Why can't my skirt come back  
  
Wishing you were somehow here again Wishing I was wearing you Try to escape Oh hang on Skirts can't walk can they Oh well give it a try Sure you'll manage fine Or just give me a sign So I'll find you  
  
Come back to me please Come back to me please  
  
Hermione and Harry come in after hearing the song.  
  
Harry -Were so sorry it was us here have it back were sorry  
  
Hermione - Yes forgive us we didn't know what we were doing.  
  
Josephine - Thank you so much oh I love you skirt and I forgive you in this world of treachery we must all hold on together.  
  
Song and finale  
  
Don't lose your way  
  
With each passing day  
  
You've come so far  
  
Don't throw it away  
  
Live believing  
  
Dreams are for weaving  
  
Wonders are waiting to start  
  
Live your story  
  
Faith, hope & glory  
  
Hold to the truth in your heart  
  
If we hold on together  
  
I know our dreams will never die  
  
Dreams see us through to forever  
  
Where clouds roll by  
  
For you and I  
  
Souls in the wind  
  
Must learn how to bend  
  
Seek out a star  
  
Hold on to the end  
  
Valley, mountain  
  
There is a fountain  
  
Washes our tears all away  
  
Words are swaying  
  
Someone is praying  
  
Please let us come home to stay  
  
If we hold on together  
  
I know our dreams will never die  
  
Dreams see us through to forever  
  
Where clouds roll by  
  
For you and I  
  
When we are out there in the dark  
  
We'll dream about the sun  
  
In the dark we'll feel the light  
  
Warm our hearts, everyone  
  
If we hold on together  
  
I know our dreams will never die  
  
Dreams see us through to forever  
  
As high as souls can fly  
  
The clouds roll by  
  
For you and I  
  
  
  
I hope you enjoyed the total stupidity of it now please review. 


End file.
